How to Have a Godly Argument

The church at Corinth was a mess.  The people came from Jewish and Gentile backgrounds, including many which combined religious fervor and moral apathy.  For that reason,  there was a constant  string of arguments.  The church was so quarrelsome, that they wrote their old pastor Paul to help sort it all out.  The result of this was 1 and 2 Corinthians.  These book are a catalog of quarrels, some petty and some important.  Paul writes in 1 Cor 1:10 

"I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought."

Some people liked Paul better than Apollos, or Peter better than  Paul.  Then there was some wise guy (there always is) who says "Yeah,  well I'm on Jesus' side." 

Paul shows no interest in who's right or wrong.  He's  only interested in the spirit behind it.  1 Cor 2:12-15

"We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words.  The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. The spiritual man makes judgments about all things, but he himself is not subject to any man's judgment."

Paul recognizes what is really going on here.  This isn't about who is right or wrong but who is important or unimportant it's about power and status,  not truth.  

Disagreements and differences of opinions are healthy things.  Giving and receiving criticism benefits the giver and the receiver, if it is taken in the right spirit.  In an argument,  either both win or both lose. We either come to a greater mutual understanding or we do not.  But the quarrels in most churches are about one group getting mastery over  another. In Corinth, the self important co-opted the reputations of Peter, Paul, and Apollos, not to mention Jesus,  to support their own moral and intellectual superiority.

Paul reminds them that if we are Spiritual, we don't need to be proven right or wrong. Our self-worth comes from Jesus, not our status in the church.  1 Cor 2:14

"The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned."

If we don't have the Spirit,  we are forever looking for validation from being right or being accepted. We look for proof we are better than others by winning arguments or getting authority. 

Arrogance and humility cannot coexist. We are either proud or submissive to the Spirit.  We can't be both at the same time.

Then Paul goes on to other problems.  In chapter 6,  Paul talks about the lawsuits between believers. They ought to be able to settle it among themselves, he says.  But it isn't the lawsuit itself that is his proof of their unspirituality.  It is their need for it.   1 Cor 6:7-8

"The very fact that you have lawsuits among you means you have been completely defeated already. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated?  Instead, you yourselves cheat and do wrong, and you do this to your brothers. "

Lawsuits are a form of warfare.  If we have to sue and defend ourselves against lawsuits from brothers, then we have already been defeated, since we have lost fellowship with our brothers.  We have already lost our spiritual authority.

There were many arguments in Corinth--about hair,  meat,  worship styles,  spiritual gifts,  communion.  Paul never suggests that they should not have those arguments.  In fact, Paul doesn't mind entering the debate himself.  But what is more important to him is how we have them.  If our debate is founded on a loving relationship, then we  can grow closer through the debate. But when arguments drive us apart,  we are nonspiritual.  We do not have the Spirit of God.    

Disagreements are not our problem.  Or problem is valuing trivialities over people.  The goal of the Christian life is not to have answers for every question, but to love God with all our hearts, and to love our neighbor as much as we love ourselves.  It's better to lose an argument than to lose a friend.  

On being judgmental, part 4

Judgmentalism, mosquitoes, and termites, all have one thing in common. Despite all the problems they cause, God gave them to us to serve a useful purpose.


I recall a story I once read about a man who had suffered a catastrophic train accident. A piece of steel passed through his head, severing the portion of the brain where emotions originate from, the portion that houses the intellect. He fully recovered physically, but he became like the fictional Mr. Spock of Star Trek, a person with no emotions.

He could not respond when people showed love to him. He did not respond to the anger of others. He could not hold down a job. He could not make the simplest decisions, such as whether to wear a red or blue shirt. His ability to make decisions was entirely absent.

Judging and feeling are irrevocably linked. You can't have one without the other. If we feel, then we value. And if we have values, we also judge.

Jesus said "Judge not, in order that you not be judged. For with the judgment you judge others, you yourself will be judged." Jesus did not mean we should never judge, but that when we judge we should do it the way we would like it to be done to us. If we want others to judge us generously, we should judge them generously, too. If we would like others to butt out of our business, then we should stay out of theirs, too. The Golden Rule applies to judging, too.

Nevertheless, there are some times when we must judge. Sometimes our role in life puts us in the position of judging--such as when we are jurors, parents, administrators, or employers. Sometimes, we are called on to render our portion of a collective judgment---when we vote or serve on jury duty. Every soldier on a battlefield is called upon to judge whether the life of the enemy is more important than his own.

We try to judge fairly, but we are not always fair, nor should we be. There are times when we will be prejudiced. We are rightfully prejudiced in favor our spouses and children. No matter what we say, we can never be impartial towards those we love.

We judge constantly in the ordinary aspects of life. We choose one color of shirt over another. We choose roses instead of daisies, Fords over Chevies, a vacation by the beach instead of a vacation in the mountains. If we had no feelings in these matters, these choices would be impossible. If we have feelings in these matters, then we will judge according to those feelings.

The idea that we should never judge is simply wrong. It isn't that we judge, it's how we judge that matters.

So how do we judge?

1. We judge when it is our business to judge. We all have feelings about certain people and certain behaviors. We may not approve of homosexuality or adultery. I certainly do not. But when I encounter homosexuals or adulterers, no matter what my feelings may be regarding their behavior do not matter. They are not mine to judge. God is the one who will judge them, not I. I must put my feelings towards their behavior aside and treat them simply as human beings.

2. We judge when we have all the facts. The kinds of judgments that cause the most mischief are those that are made quickly and in ignorance of the whole truth. Suppose, for example, we know a woman who has moved out on her husband. The husband appeals to our sympathy, saying the marriage bond is forever, and she was in sin. What we may not know is that he has been physically and emotionally abusing her for years. Until we actually know both sides, we should not judge.

3. When we must judge, we should to is with leniency and generosity. With the judgment we give others, we will be judged.

Imagine there is a future society where all cases in court were tried, not before a judge or jury, but by a supercomputer. The computer would digest all the evidence of a crime, calculate probabilities, and draw a conclusion of guilt or innocence. We would still need judges to decide upon appropriate sentence. That is because judges exist to grant leniency, not punishment. Every criminal could receive the maximum sentence, but it is up to the judge to decide whether that sentence should be lightened due to other circumstances.

Our judgment, too ought to be about mercy, not punishment. We could ostracize a friend for doing us harm, but we do not have to. We can choose to forgive. We can believe that a casual comment was sarcastic or cutting, or we could take it as face value, and give the person the benefit of a doubt. Any fool can take offense--it takes a wise man to forgive. If we have the intellect to accurately judge the offenses to others, then we ought to have the good sense to overlook them unless it is absolutely imperative that we do so.



We cannot help but judge. It is part of our emotional nature to do so. But do we have the good sense to leave off judging the servants of another, and mind our own business? Let's attend to our own personal courtrooms, and leave the rest to God.

On Being Judgmental, Part 2

Judgmentalism is more than something that we are towards other people. It is also what we do to God. It is impossible to be judgmental without judging God.

My grandchildren, Ethan and Chloe, seem to have already been bitten by the judgmental bug. We know this because whenever they don't get what they want, they say "This is the worst day ever." I ask them "Why is it the worst day ever?" Then they tell me about how they did not get the snack they want or the toy they want, or that someone did not allow them to play with matches or stick their fingers in an electric socket. Never mind that whatever authority did not allow them these privileges did it for their benefit. Never mind that they say it coming home from a movie that they loved. Never mind that they had just eaten their favorite lunch and played happily all day. One little "no" makes it the worst day ever.

These little children are expressing a misguided view that is common even with the grown ups around them. Why do we think that our worst day was our worst day? What happened to make it a bad day? For that matter, what made our best day our best day? Are we sure?

Whether a day is good or bad is not up to us. Every day is a providential day, one decreed by God to be the day we receive. Somehow, though we feel it is necessary to label days or events good or bad, and to store away the memory of the day in some neat little pigeon hole in our mind.

But in God's mind, how do we know what is good or bad for us? Illness breaks and softens us. Riches can destroy us. A wedding day is a great day, but becomes a bad memory when the marriage ends in divorce. A firing is a bad day, but becomes a blessing when it opens the door to a greater opportunity. All we have and are comes from the hand of a God who loves us and has a plan for our lives. God can make a good day from a bad one, and a bad day from a good one.

When we label the events of our lives as good or bad based on a moment's pain or enjoyment we are no better than ungrateful children. We are judging God's motives and purpose. If we had the faith we claim to have, we would be happy with what we have, enjoying the moments we have, instead of trying to judge our moments as good or bad.

Having judged God, we move on to judging others. Since we can't accept what God has given us, we can't accept others, either. We want to put labels on people, just like we do on our moments. Is this person good or bad? Are they working for our benefit, or are they out to get us? We do have friends and enemies, to be sure, but most people have their own agendas, most of whom have nothing to do with us. They are neither trying to help us or hurt us, but are living their own lives, under the all-judging eye of God. It is not our place to decide if they are living to God's satisfaction. Instead, it s our job to do good to all people, especially those who call themselves our brothers and sisters.

If we can learn to enjoy what God has given, and give up our right to judge the moments, then we can also perhaps learn to enjoy others without judging them. Every individual who comes across our path was put there, or allowed to be there, by a benevolent God who seeks only our benefit. No one is an accident, and no one can come near us without God's permission. Once we give up the right to judge others, we are free to see the blessings that may come from them.



Later, I'll talk about who we judge the most.

On Being Judgmental, Part 1

I don't know if this is a product of turning old, but the older I get, the less judgmental I become. Maybe it’s a product of old age. As we age, we mellow, and an absolute black and white view of the world starts to gray around the edges. Things are not so clear-cut as they once were. Neither am I smart as I used to think I was. I must have become dumber as I have gotten older.


Of course, there is such a thing as being too non-judgmental. Some things need to be praised, while others deserve condemnation. Clearly, we can err two far in either direction.

That being said, why is it that we Christians, especially conservative, Bible-believing Christians, seem to lean in favor of judgment? I mean we seem to go out of our way to judge others. How is it that among those who are saved by Grace and rescued from hell only by the forgiveness of Christ, we still find ourselves judging others? Daily we reenact that parable about the man who was forgiven millions, yet could not forgive that pitiful amount owed him. More than that, we don't seem to stop there. We can't overlook the debts that are not even owed us. It seems to be enough for us to withhold fellowship and love from people who owe us nothing, but instead owe it do someone else.

This is a little vague I know, so let me get more specific. Let's say we read about some popular preacher has made some controversial statement that may mean he has changed his views on a controversial subject. This person is not of our denomination. Their ministry in no way affects ours. Yet we are compelled to correct him, and tell others not to listen to him. The statement might have been out of context. It might not be so bad as we thought. But why is it our business to find that out, or to correct them if they are not in our fellowship? It is not just a question of rushing to judgment--it is our compulsion to judge if we don't have to.

Or let's say that we hear an aquaintance might be cheating on his wife. Is his sin against us? Is it our business to know his business? Bill Gothard once famously said that gossip was telling something true or false about a person when we are neither part of the solution or part of the problem. If we are neither the solution or the problem, then why do we want to throw ourselves in the middle of someone else's business?

I know some people will say about this: "Don't we have an obligation to correct a straying brother?"  "Shouldn't we be concerned that false doctrines or practices would creep into the church?" We do, of course. That is why we should go privately and talk with those who we think might be in moral trouble. But that's not what we do. That requires courage, and most of us don’t have it. Instead, we spread our views around to others, and never get around to talking directly to them. As far as the purity of the church is concerned, there does need to be clear teachings on some things. But it is, after all God's church and not ours. He is capable of defending it far better than we are. Our job is to instruct the flock under us, and not assume responsibility over people in other flocks. We do not have the wisdom to always tell what is good or bad, or right or wrong about another. Judgmentalism is a slippery slope. Saying that we must judge in one circumstance makes it easier for us judge the next time. Before we know it, we have assumed the position of judge over others whenever and about whatever we please.

Why do we need to judge? If God had wanted us to judge others, He would have given us the title and the authority. It is our flesh, not our spirit, that cries out for the power to judge others.



Moe about this later.