A Good Conversation

A good conversation can be a life changing event. A superficial conversation is forgotten almost immediately. We can be surrounded with geniuses, but never know it, because we never got beneath the surface.


The words of a man's mouth are deep waters,but the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook. Prov 18:4

As iron sharpens iron ,so one man sharpens another. Prov 27:17

The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters ,but a man of understanding draws them out. Prov 20:5

These proverbs say the more we talk to people, and the deeper our conversation the smarter we are going to get. Conversely, if you want to make a people stupid and dull, then get them to stop talking, or else keep the conversation superficial. When God wanted to stop the tower of Babel, He simply made it so people could understand each other. Soon, they gave up in frustration and never finished the project. Satan has conquered the world by setting up walls of division between us so we could not learn from each other.

But if we learn to talk to each other--really talk--then the Kingdom of God can shine through us.

If we just learned to talk to each other, we would be far along the way towards knowing God. God made us so that every portion of us has a separate piece of God, since we are part of a body. Without that part, we will never be whole. So if we are together in churches or even in Bible studies, it stands to reason that we ought to grow in strength, stature, and godliness. If we hold together and communicate God's love with each other, we ought to be awesome.

But we aren't, why is that?

Do you know the "five second" rule? It's the rule that some people have, that says if some food hits the floor, if it isn't there more than five seconds, you can still eat it. Whether or not it is true, the theory behind it is simple. It says that if the contact we have with something is superficial, we are unlikely to catch anything from it. If ou know the five second rule, then so does the Devil. If the Devil can keep our relationships superficial, then we are unlikely to experience the Holy Spirit from each other. Just keep people talking about things that have no bearing on them--contestants on a reality show, movies, the weather, for example, and you avoid any danger of people becoming better people just by talking. Let all communication be frivolous, and we will remain frivolous, too.

Acts 3:1-9 gives us an excellent example of this. Peter and John were going to the temple. They were really only about a half mile from the temple so they probably passed by that direction several times a day. By the side of the road was a lame beggar who stuck out his hand. There is no telling how many times they must have seen that beggar.

Now we mustn’t think that a beggar as a parasite on society. Actually, they provide a very useful service. Religious people were expected to give alms to the poor. It was part of thir religious duties. This beggar was providing a service. If you gave him a coin and you gained a sens of righteousness. In truth, the worshippers would not have liked it if there were no beggars at the gate. If they did, they would have had to actually go where the poor people lived, and they wouldn’t like that. It would have upset the balance between beggars and giver.

Then Peter did something unexpected. He stepped out of the role that beggars and givers had. He said "look at us! Don't look at my hand. Don't look at my purse. Look me in the eye!"

This was a violation of he rules. Beggars looked down, humbly, or else they looked up sadly, like a puppy dog, humbly beseeching their wonderful masters for coins. That was the superficial relationship people expected from beggars. You gave them a coin, they gave you praise and appreciation. But Peter would have none of this. He wanted a deeper relationship with this man.

When he got his attention, he said. "Silver and gold have I none, but such as I have give I thee, in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth rise up and walk."

If Peter and John had left that relationship on a superficial level, nothing miraculous would have happened. But Peter and John refused to see a beggar as a beggar. He saw him as a human being.

The majority of our days are spent in superficial conversation and shallow relationships. I say “shallow” because we are only able to see a small portion of people. We do not look them in the eye, but define them by only one characteristics.

For example:

Judging. I hate cigarettes. Personally, I think cigarettes are a thoroughly unattractive habit. I would rather ride in a car full of skunks than a car full of people smoking. . My parents smoked, even though it made me nauseous and gave me asthma.

But I have never met a smoker. I know people who smoke, but they are not smokers. Te I cannot reduce person who smoke to one a nasty habit. Smokers can be kind and witty and considerate. They can be Christians or Jewish, or Republicans of Democrats, but they are not just smokers. I cannot let that one action which I dislike define them. So even when I do not like smoking, I cannot allow smoking to define my relationship with them.

The same is true of other things people do that I disagree with. Can I be friends with people who disagree with my politics. Can I be friends with homosexual or adulterer, or atheists. Jesus was. The Pharisees labeled and pigeonholed people according to their sins --homosexual, adulterer, coward, tramp, liar, fat. Then they would declare that we should never associate with people like that. But if all we see in one another is our faults, who could stand? We must rise above the faults of others and see the worth of a person as a whole if we are ever to have a helpful conversation.

Using. Once I got a phone call from a political candidate. He wanted to come to speak to our church. I told him we did not get involved in politics, but I would like to find our more about his candidacy, and where he stood. He hung up on me. If he could not use me to get votes, he wanted nothing to do with me.

We often reduce people to what they do for us. We call them customers, clients, salespeople, workmen, bosses, officers, and audiences. We count noses, and are always wanting to see how many we can add.

This is a necessary part of what we do, but we must always remember that a person is not a number. There is no reason we should not be in business. But we should never forget that the people we do business with are not just clients. They are real people with real needs.

Comparing There is nothing wrong with healthy competition. But when there is competition without respect, it can be poisonous. Competition reduces people to a measuring stick. We derive our own value from seeing what others do and have.

A Christian derives his opinion of himself from looking at God, not from looking at his neighbor. Comparing not only hurts our opinion of ourselves, but it also causes us to miss the needs of our neighbor as well.

Condescending. There was a young man when I was in college named Joe. There was something about Joe that was just creepy. He had an expression like he was always smelling something bad. He would often make inappropriate comments, that left everyone wondering if he was from this planet. One Christmas Joe rang bels for the Salvation Army. People would walk away from the store just to avoid running into Joe. Joe seemed destined to a life of weirdness.

Then in his final year of school, something came over Joe. He began to soften. He was known to actually say intelligent and insightful things on occasions. Finally, we got the nerve to ask him--what went right?

That year, Joe got a new roommate. His name was Will. He was an ex-hippie who had become a believer. He was used to weirdness. Will didn't treat Joe as if he were strange. Instead, before he came to college, he prayed to God to send him the right roommate, one who needed God's love. He got Joe.

"He didn't treat me strange," Joe said. "He treated me as if I were everyone else." That was all it took. One person saw through Joes odd exterior to the person underneath.

Over the years, I have seen many other "problem children" as I call them. Some were parishioners who no one liked. Others were beggars on the street. Still others were friends and family members. The one thing they all had in common was not that they had needs, but that people could only see their needs. They were labeled as needy, and treated as if they were nothing else. But when can see the value in those people, they can become our best friends.

Doctors see our illnesses. They probably talk to one another about us, saying, "I've got a diabetes at three, and a head cold at three fifteen." Lawyers see our legal problems, They have a divorce at four and a bankruptcy at five. Policemen see our crime, salesmen see our wallets, hatmakes see our bare heads. But we often miss the people beneath the problem. People do not exist for us to help. They exist because God has a purpose for them. We should not just pray for those in need. We should give thanks to God for the special and unique gift that every human being is to us. God has a reason for everyone who is in the world, and we should thank Him for that reason.

Tomorrow, you may meet a beggar on the street, or a salesman on the phone, or a teenage kid behind a drive through window. He or she will have their hand out to you. They will want your silver or gold, or they will want your business. To them, you are a potential tip or a momentary meal. I don't know who that person might be, but one thing will be true of them. They will be broken in some way. They may have a broken heart, a broken marriage, or a guilty conscience. They will be thinking that in one way or another, you're silver or gold will fix it. It won't. They will take your money and still be broken.

There is one thing you can do, though, that can make a difference. You can say, "Look at me." and you can look at them. You can see them as a human being, and invite them to see you as a human being. You won't be able to help them much with silver or gold. There is not enough money in the world to truly fix a broken soul. But you can offer them something greater. You can offer them God's love and power. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, you can offer them compassion, faith, and power. Then, at last the can rise up and walk, healed and reborn. Then you and they can both walk, and leap, and praise the Lord.