The Gift of the Blessing

He was his father's favorite boy. When his father Jacob was dying, he sent for him.


Esau was out in the field. He hurried home to his father's side. But before he could arrive, his brother Jacob to see his blind father and impersonated his brother.

His father put his hand on Jacob's head and pronounced the blessing he intended for Esau.

May God give you of heaven's dew and of earth's richness — an abundance of grain and new wine. May nations serve you and peoples bow down to you. Be lord over your brothers, and may the sons of your mother bow down to you. May those who curse you be cursed and those who bless you be blessed." Gen 27:28-29

No sooner had his father finished and Jacob left, then Esau entered the room to receive his blessing. But his father had already given it. He burst out with a loud and bitter cry and said to his father, "Bless me — me too, my father! Gen 27;34

For the last four thousand years, scholars have been reading this story and scratching their heads. Just what was Esau after? Why was the blessing so important?

Perhaps Esau sought his father's blessing so he could be the leader of the family. But Jacob had already stolen the birthright. Esau had sold it fo a bowl of lentil soup. Jacob did not have to trick him again. He had already done it.

Perhaps the blessing was a prayer for God’s protection. But since when does our prayer for one child preclude us from praying with another?

The blessing incorporated both these ideas, but it was not either of them. The blessing was--something that is both special and unique. No two people can have the same blessing. Only one child can walk away with any specific blessing.

Isaac’s blessing was what he intended for Esau’s ears alone. He had carefully thought it out beforehand. Esau never heard those words to him. Esau had to settle for a much lesser blessing, hastily thought out and definitely not the same.

Parents love their children the same, but they do not treat them the same. Each child needs to be treated differently. A careful parent does not just divide their estate equally, they think through what each child needs and give that to them. That is what Isaac did. He planned his blessing to Esau specifically for Esau’s ears.

All this happened four thousand years ago in a culture so different from ours that we can barely imagine it. So what does this mean to us? Does it make any difference to us?

A blessing is hard to define. It is not just a word, but a feeling, an acceptance. The best we can define it is this—it is a specific statement or action expressing unqualified love and acceptance. A blessing is something that parents give children. It is also something children give parents. Husbands give it to wives and wives to husbands. We all give it to God, and God gives it to us. We can live with opposition and hatred, as long as we fell that someone somewhere has blessed us. None of us can survive without it.

I had a friend who was an amateur gardener. He had heard that talking to plants made a difference in how they grew. He planted two identical bushes across from one another on his garden path. Every day, he would turn to one plant and say "You are a good plant, I am pleased with you." He would turn to the other and say, "You are a bad plant. I hate you." Sure enough, the plant he complimented grew faster than the other. Then he reversed it. Sure enough, the hated plant began to grow, while the other plant wilted.

I don’t know if my friend was right about his plants. But I do know that it is true about people. When people are loved and appreciated, they grow. When they are belittled and criticized, they do not. A person who blesses a child is like the sun. If we shine upon her, she will thrive. But if we keep her in our shadow, she will never be what she was meant to be.

A parental blessing is a very personal and earthly need which every one of us experiences from our earliest days. A child builds a tower with blocks, and says "daddy, come see!" He wants approval. He wants blessing. A little girl climbs up in her daddy's lap. She wants a blessing. A boy goes out on the baseball field, hits a long drive, and looks back to his dad, to see if he is looking. He is looking for his blessing. A bride will not start the service until her father arrives to give her away.

Unfortunately, many missed the blessing. Maybe their parents did not give it. Maybe they were like Esau and stayed out in the field, to far from their parents to know how they felt. We looked for approval and it never came. Instead, we grew up thinking that we had to earn the love of others. We go on to teach our children this, so they never got the blessing, either.

A child grows up insecure and suspicious. He never knew there were people who could be trusted. A bride marries her husband but never feels good enough for him. A parent becomes dependent upon a child “liking” her, so she never disciplines, fearful of losing the child’s conditional love. All through life, the unblessed child has broken relationships, insecurity, fear, and hostility, and never fully understands why.

But there is good news. We have another father--our heavenly Father. He has promised us a blessing that no one can steal. That blessing is better than the ones our parents, crippled by sin and ignorance could ever give. Best of all, it is for all God’s children.

We have been studying the all-important horizontal relationship of our faith—our relationship with others. The blessing is the essence and substance of that relationship. It is what we are left on earth to do—to give others God’s unconditional love. God’s expressed love has the power to restore broken people--if only we know how to give it.

One of the most influential books I have ever read regarding my ministry is a book by Gary Smalley and John Trent—The Gift of the Blessing. In it, these two others identify five elements of a blessing. With some modification, here are the five elements we need to give others.

Verbal encouragement. When Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau he used words. Words are vital. It is not enough to love our wives, we must tell them we love them. It is not enough to love your children. You must tell them. For every criticism you throw in their direction, there should be twenty words of encouragement.

Many men especially confuse concern with blessing. The only way they know how to express love is with criticism. The cannot say anything positive without putting a critical sting in it. They believe they have to criticize, to make their loved ones better.

Perhaps. But criticism does not work in a relationship where there is no trust. If people do not know you are on their side, then your criticism will drive people away. Before we criticize we must first bless.

Healing touch. When Isaac blessed Esau, he touched his arm, and laid his hand upon his head. Often we forget that there are people in this church that never receive a touch from anyone all week. Our ritual of hugs and handshakes may be the only time that some people will get a hug all week.

When was the last time you hugged your children? Your wife? Your mother? Your friend? These meaningful touch mean more than a thousand words of praise.

Intelligent praise. Isaac admired his son for his abilities as a hunter and outdoorsman. His blessing of his son incorporated that admiration.

Jacob had other positive traits, but it was wholly inappropriate to praise him as a hunter. Jacob could cook it, but he couldn’t shoot it. His father Isaac knew that, and would not have praised his son for something he did not do.

Nothing smells worse than an insincere compliment. Complements need to be the result of having studied another and found something you genuinely like.

Even so, there is something to admire in all people. We are all created in God's image, which means there is something wonderful about everyone. All we need to do is find it.

Use imagery to tell their story. The human mind organizes our feelings into story and imagery. That’s why we illustrate sermons. We may not understand something complicated, but often a single image or a story will bring it home to us.

Use your imagination when you are trying to deliver a blessing. Know their story, and find some simple way of saying it. Give them something their imagination can grasp and understand how special they actually are.

“You have always been a failure.” “You’re a rotten egg.” “You are a loser.” Can you imagine how statements like that can affect a child’s self-image negatively?

“You’re a survivor.” “You’re gifted.” “You can do it.” Those kinds of statement can affect us for a lifetime. We hold onto images like that, and become what others predict. We need to intelligently seek out ways of expressing our positive images of others, to help them experience the grace of God.

Isaac's blessing to Esau invoked some of he same language that God gave to Abraham and Abraham gave to Isaac. Isaac is giving his son a story that goes back to God’s covenant with his grandfather. Jacob remembered that blessing, and told it ot his children. It was the family story for all generations.

Give them a destiny. Isaac did not just talk about Esau’s past. He gave him what was intended to be his future. He said he would rule over his household. All nations would be blessed by him. He looked at Esau’s story and his ability, and gave him a sense of destiny.

No one achieves in life without a vision of destiny. One of my middle school teachers had worked as a secretary in the statehouse in Texas. One day, her fellow secretaries were excitedly talking about a new, young state senator who had just begun his first term. He was tall and handsome, and made quite an impression. His name was Lyndon Johnson.

“Lyndon Johnson,” she said. “Never heard of him.”

She did not know that Johnson was in the room. He walked over to her, took off his cowboy had and bowed. “Well lady,” he said. “You will.”

Johnson became what he knew he would become—president. Someone in Johnson’s past had blessed him with a vision of what he could be, and had believed that he would become it. Johnson caught that confidence and carried it to the White House.

Bless your children with the gift of faith. Believe in them, and trust that God will do good things with them. Your faith in others is not based on what they can do, but on what God can do through them.

Give others a blessing, and they will bless you in return.