Forgiveness

I thought I knew what forgiveness meant. That was because I had so little to forgive. But then I got hurt—really hurt. I discovered one day that there were people who were misrepresenting my motives and my intentions. Then my daughter went through a divorce due to mistreatment. Then I finally had to learn what forgiveness really was.


Here's what I have learned.

--Forgiveness is necessary to keep our relationship with God. Jesus' words are clear in Matthew 6: 14-15 “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

--All relationships need forgiveness. Without forgiveness, no relationship can last.

--A grudge poisons all relationships--even those relationships which have no connection with the grudge. We cannot be salt and light to the world if our light is hidden by unforgiveness. How can we show someone God’s love if we are not willing to let go of our grudges?

-- Forgiveness cheaply given is quickly gone. Forgiveness is a process, not a pronouncement. Deep hurts take time to heal. Forgiveness that is arrived at cheaply had no lasting power.

In first part of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus has a lot to say about forgiveness. If we look at some of these statements in reverse order, we see four stages of restored relationships.

First, we must forgive. Matthew 6:14-15 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Many people say "I can never forgive." But as soon as they say, they run directly into Jesus plainly worded statement. Does our forgiveness damn us for all eternity? This statement was intended to get our attention. It is supposed to make us thoroughly uncomfortable.\

Biblical forgiveness has nothing to do with how we feel. It is about taking vengeance. In the Old Testament there were no police and few courts. Families and individuals were expected to enforce moral law. If someone killed you or robbed from you, you had the freedom to extract an “eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.” Forgiveness was forgoing the pleasure of taking the law into your own hands.

Vengeance may have been allowed, but it was hardly profitable. It is also hard for individuals to know what proper vengeance would be. That is why w have turned it over to the courts. As Christians, we turn vengeance over to God. Paul says in Romans 12:19-21

Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

When we take vengeance in our own hands for wrongs suffered, we become part of the evil we are supposed to despise, and we become our enemies. This action gets us nowhere. This is what Jesus means in Matthew 5:25-26

"Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. I tell you the truth, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.'

Jesus' argument is not with the moral right to justice, but its’ cost. Vengeance is an unproductive act. It may make us feel a little better, but all it produces is more vengeance. We can get our eye for an eye and tooth for tooth, but when we are all blind and toothless, we will also be helpless and alone.

Second, we learn to tolerate. When we feel someone has wronged us, we will cross the street to avoid meeting them. We do not want to see their face.

These feelings are understandable--but consider the cost. Why should their presence restrict our movements? Our inability to tolerate their presence limits our freedom of movement.--where we go, what we do, where we worship. We can be in a room full of people who love us, but if that one person who hates us is there, he will be the only one we think about in the room.

Tolerance is not learning to like a person. It is just acknowledging that that they have a right to the same air and to occupy the same planet.

Tolerance is not forgiving and forgetting, but forgiving an ignoring. We do not allow our feelings to rule our lives. At this stage, we treated them no better than a stranger, but no worse either. Matthew 5:43-48

"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?

Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Jesus does not say that God loves is enemies. He is just allows anyone--friend or foe--to drink from the same rain and to feel the same sunshine. He gives each the same chance for survival on this earth, because He hopes that one day to reconcile with Him.

If you can’t love your enemies, treat them like everyone else. If they are sick pray for them. If they are hungry feed them--not for their sake, but because we want to imitate God.

Once we’ve managed to tolerate, then we can move on to step three.

Third, we try to reconcile. Matthew 5:21-24

"You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.' But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, 'Raca,' is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell.

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”

Reconciliation is an important goal, but it is important to understand that we might never achieve it. Unlike forgiveness, reconciliation involves agreement. You cannot achieve it alone.

Let me illustrate. Suppose a woman walks out on her husband, because he beats her and he cheats on her. Afterwards, her husband says. "You say you are a Christian. Doesn't the Bible says that we are to forgive? You have to take me back. Otherwise you are not being Christian."

This man is mistaken. He assumes that forgiveness and reconciliation are the same. She is forgiving by not pressing charges or shooting him herself. To take him back into the home is not forgiveness is reconciliation, not forgiveness—and that needs a change in his behavior.

God does not expect a person who is abused to march blindly back into another abusive situation. Reconciliation only comes about through honest, open conversations and a building of trust. As Reagan said—“trust, but verify.”

What does it take to reconcile with another? What is the example of Jesus? What did it take for God to reconcile to us? God did not draw back from the sacrifice of His own Son to reconcile with us. Reconciliation always requires a willingness to sacrifice. We may have to sacrifice our freedom or our money or our dignity, but we will never have to sacrifice so much as Jesus had to sacrifice for us.

Once we have reconciled, then we can move on to final phase

Last, we seek restoration. This is the place where sin is not only forgiven but forgotten.

Great Britain is our strongest ally as a nation. But our first two wars were fought against Great Britain. Japan is our ally, too, as well as Germany. But we fought our bloodiest was against them. North and South were enemies once, but now we are one nation. Over time, the relationships were restored.

But in a human lifetime, we do not have the time to fully heal every wound. But we have the potential to heal all wounds through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Jesus died on the cross for all our sins so that we may be reconciled, not only to God, but to each other. At the Cross we not only bury our sins against God, but the sins others commit against us..

In Charles Colson's book Born Again he writes about his conversion in prison after going to jail for Watergate-related crimes. Before he was released, he was sent to a halfway house with three other Christian inmates, who were all in prison for notorious crimes, but had like himself found salvation in jail. His three other companions in this journey were 1) A liberal Democrat congressman who had been arrested for graft charges, 2) a former grand dragon of the Klu Klux Klan, and 3) A former member of the Black Panther Party. How could four more unlikely men ever get together? They could, because all four had found redemption and new life in Christ. In Christ, not only reconciliation bur restoration and unity are possible.

In Elizabeth Elliot's book Through the Gates of Splendor, she write of how her husband, Jim Eliot and four other missionaries were slaughtered in the Amazon by Auca tribesmen. They ambushed them by the river and cut them to pieces with machetes. Later, Elizabeth went back to the same tribe and became accepted, preaching the gospel to them. Years later, she appeared at the Conference on World Evangelism with one of her converts, a minister and elder of the local church. "And" she said. "This is the man who murdered my husband."

How is such forgiveness possible? Because we have been forgiven. We are tolerated by God. We are reconciled to Him by the cross, and we have been restored to His fellowship.

How is it, then that divisions can exist among us? They do not have to, if we will take them time to work on that restoration that we all need.