The dry soul

Since this April, I have diligently pursued the spiritual disiciplines.  Since then, I have noticed a difference in my walk with God.   I have gained much more insight into many areas of faith. My latest writing project, The  Faith Matrix, my workbook  Prayer- the Adventure,  as well as my course on spiritual disciplines have all grown out of this interest.   God continues to open up new ideas in this area, and I hope soon to write about ideas that may tie it all together. 

One thing I am finding, though is  that spiritual disciplines are not easy.  Just as your body gets tired from exercise, and your mind gets tired from study, your spirit can get tired from  seeking God. The spiritual life is no bed of roses.  It involves a lot of down and dirty wrestling with sin,  judgementalism,  impure motives, and a host of other problems.

There's a famous painting called The Temptation of St Andrew. He was one of the first hermits  in church history.  He's sitting on a rock praying, and all around him are hosts of devils of every kind, trying to tear him away. I haven't been a hermit,  but even  at home, trying to pray, I have experienced a few of their brothers bothering me. 

The hardest part prayer is when you seek some experience of God, and come up dry. Some times He seems to be right at your shoulder. Other times,  your prayers seem to be careening off the ceiling. 

I try to think of what to do. Maybe I should get my guitar and sing. Maybe I should just read more, pray harder,  study a little deeper, get quieter, etc.  But none of this works. There seems to be nothing I can do.  Nothing.

As unpleasant as it is to be separated from the feeling of God,  though, there is one good part.  When I realize that there is nothing I can do, I also realize that there is nothing I need to do.  We are not promised heavenly bliss all the time, nor that we will have ecstatic experiences. If it  happens,  then good. If not--well, so what?

The greatest danger in these dry spells is losing our focus. My focus shouldn't be on what feels right, but on what is right.  Faith is not in a feeling, it's in God.  Sometimes  God takes away the feeling so I can learn to trust Him.  

When my kids were younger, we'd go on a trip, and they would pepper me with questions.  "How much farther?" they would ask.  "Where are we now?" I'd give them the road atlas.  "What state is this?" they would say.

I don't blame them for being curious, but after a while, it could be annoying.  I would want to shout to the back seat  "If you're not driving, you don't need to know!"    If God is in control of my life, then why do I need to know what happens next?   Could it be that I don't fully trust him?   I want constant reassurance because My faith is not what it should.  The only way it can improve is to sit back and allow God to reveal Himself when and how He wants to.  He knows my need for His presence and He will show Himself when I need it. 

Even when I am a dry soul, I'm God's.  Even when I don't feel Him, I can believe  in  Him.  The feelings may come later.  I can trust Him today.