Drive-By Gifting

There are several ideas about how Christmas presents began.  One thing that appears constant with all of them, though, is  that Christmas presents were  originally mainly for the poor, not for family members.  Whereas children might get some candy or a toy, the bulk of Christmas giving was charitable gifts. We still see this in Christmas customs such as caroling, where the poor would go door to door and receive gifts,  or in the yule log tradition, which began with slaves who would be set free as long as the log burned. 

One theory is that the change from charity to children began in New York in the middle of the Nineteenth Century, about the same time as Santa Claus became popular.  After mobs of poor people threatened the wealthy in the draft riots during the Civil War,  the wealthy changed what had been a tradition of charity, choosing to give to their own children as well.  These children grew up expecting presents on Christmas, and became both givers and receivers.  In a generation presents became something that everyone gave to everyone.  So the cycle of giving began.  And Christmas has been a pain ever since. 

I love Christmas, and especially giving, but Christmas giving often doesn't feel like giving, but obligation. One tries to outdo the next on giving.  Every year we seem to  be driven to spend more and more and more. 

There are two reasons for this.  One is  our competeive nature, driven by our ego. The other is guilt.  We spend money for gifts for one person,  and feel the obligation to spend for another.  We have become so involved with gifts that we have come to accept the premise that how much we give is somehow connected with how much we love.  Giving has become more commerce and guilt than joy and receiving.

This year,  my wife received a gift from one of her student's parents. It was a handmade, hand embroidered Christmas stocking. She apologized, saying that she could not afford a book she wanted to put inside.

Please understand--this was a very poor woman.  So instead of spending money, she spent time and effort to make a beautiful Christmas stocking for a woman who only tangentially touched her life.  It was an act of great honor and beauty.  In some ways, it was the one of the most extravagant gifts my wife has ever received, considering the time and effort involved.  It was an astonishingly beautiful gift.

I give gifts to those I love at Christmas.  But not just at Christmas. I give them gifts whenever I can.  After this gift, though, I have decided that this year, I will be a "drive by gifter" on every occasion I can. 

A drive by gifter is one who gives without warning or expectation. It is giving a gift to people who  do not expect it, and sometimes do not deserve it. A gift is best given without expectation of receiving, and with no expectation of return. It is that sudden,  unexpected gift that comes out of nowhere,  often anonymously, which has the greatest impact upon us.

A woman recently told me of being at a fast food restaurant and having someone in front of her pay for her meal, and just drive off. That's drive by gifting.  A landscaper in one of my churches set me up with plants for my yard, and then refused to take my money. That's drive by gifting.  Drive by gifting is any gift we give that isn't deserved or expected.

When I'm in a crowded restaurant and see a waitress mess up my order because she was being overworked and underpaid,  instead of stiffing her on the tip, I try to increase it. I could make a statement to her about my displeasure with a penny tip, but where's the fun in that?  I don't enjoy it, and it ruins her day. But a generous tip brings a smile to her face, and mine.   A compliment given with wit to a person having a bad day is a drive by gift. 

The best gifts at Christmas are not the gifts that are expected, but the one that are unexpected. It s a shame that the traditions of Christmas seem to make it obligatory, and hence take most of the fun away. 

This year, if you want to have fun,  give some drive by gifts. Brighten the days of a few people who do not expect it.  I promise you, your day will go better as well.