Randy Rayfield is one of the funniest guys I know. He's a writer, raconteur, and part-time Santa who lives in Monroe. He periodically puts our a email called "Whittlin and Wonderin", giving his observations about life to a small list of friends. Every one I have seen so far is a gem. Randy can be reached at prrayfield@interlink-café.com. Here's an example.
At one time or another all of us has uttered the phase “there ought to be a law” about something that seemed ridiculous. Well, folks, it seems there is a law. Goggle silly, zany laws and you will get a hit of more than 257,000 listings in .26 seconds. Why do I know this? Recently I was listening to the radio and a commercial came on about some service or other and one of the things in it was a comment about a law in Lee County Alabama where it is illegal to sell peanuts after sunset on Wednesdays. This time for some reason, that little piece of information struck in my mind and later that day I did an internet query and found that sure enough there is a law in Lee County (AL) that prohibits the sale of peanuts after dark on Wednesday.
First get your mind around this. Laws are passed because something happen first. In the American legal system, the deed occurs, the citizenry demands action, elected leaders pontificates, laws are written, the law enforcement system enforces and the judiciary judges. While it may seemed the other way around many times, this is how our legal system works.
Using that legal concept, let do ourselves some wondering. What happened in Lee County (AL) on a Wednesday night involving the selling of peanuts causing the good folks of Lee County to have their leaders make it a crime to sell peanuts after sunset on Wednesday? The county fathers just did not decide to pass this law. Something happened that enraged citizens to demand that their elected leaders pass a law to prevent this hideous crime from happening again.
The next time you visit Atlanta don’t tie your giraffe to a street light because it is illegal. Was this a problem in Atlanta at some point? Did the mayor decide to take his wife for a Sunday afternoon drive and found giraffes tied to posts. Did she make a comment leading him to go before city council and demanding something be done? Think about this. Giraffes are not found in the wild in Georgia. Any giraffe in Atlanta had to come from somewhere else. Was the city overrun with giraffes? Do you ride a giraffe? Do you walk one like a dog? How do you tie a giraffe? By the neck? By the leg? I don’t know because my experience with them are limited.
Down the road in Columbus it is illegal to carry a chicken by its feet on Sunday on Broad Street. Again what enraged the citizens in Columbus to make this illegal? Why would it be all right to carry the said chicken by its feet Monday though Saturday? Were enough people carrying chickens by their feet on Sunday on Broad Street to create a public nuisance? I am making an assumption here that the chickens in question were alive. Knowing a little something about live chickens, when you carry one like that they will make a racket. Could it be that all the First Churches in Columbus – First Baptist, First Presbyterian, First Methodist -- are on Broad Street?
Over in Macon it is against the law to eat fried chicken with a fork. This law I can understand. Good fried chicken cooked by Sunday school teachers in cast iron skillets should be eaten with your fingers. And as you are wiping your fingers give thanks to those Christian ladies and the Good Lord.
I have traveled to Kentucky several times but I did not know this. Kentucky requires all its citizens to take a bath once a year. Now this is my wondering question. When you take a job in law enforcement in Kentucky, does your police training include indicators on how to determine if a citizen has violated this law? Is the sniffing out of these criminals given to rookie officers to help them gain experience in dealing with vicious perps? Do you need someone to verified this? A doctor? Your spouse? While we think the evidence would be apparent, how do you determine the length of time between bathing? Will a shower suffice? It could be that this law was adopted from the old country. I have heard of similar laws there. Does the law apply to travelers? Will I need to carry some type of documentation that I have bathed within the recent year?
There is another law in Kentucky that may have influenced the passage of the bathing ordinance. It is illegal to keep a mule in a bathtub. Was it because the people of Kentucky were keeping mules in their bathtubs the reason that a law for bathing was needed? Mules usually do not take to being made to do something they are against doing. While I have never done it, I think it would be difficult to keep a mule in a bathtub. It must have been enough of a problem to make the legislature of Kentucky debate the issue of mules in bathtubs and then pass a law prohibiting it. I guess this is why we need lawyers. What is the definition of keeping? Is it overnight or just long enough to give the mule a bath? Why would you give a mule a bath? If the police came to your house and found a mule in your bathtub, do you need a lawyer? Do lawyers advertised in the Yellow Pages about their expertise in this area as they do divorces? I don’t know if I would want to be a law enforcement official in Kentucky.
Don’t think that strange laws are a southern eccentricity. Think about these and wonder what caused people to demand action from their elected officials.
In Vermont it is illegal to paint a horse. You cannot smoke a pipe after sunset in Newport, Rhode Island. In Hartford, Connecticut you aren’t allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands. You thought that tying a giraffe to street light was a particularity to Atlanta. Well in Michigan it is illegal to hitch a crocodile to a fire hydrant. I am sure that firemen in that state appreciate this effort to keep them safe but are there enough crocodiles in Michigan to warrant this? Of course I would like to buy the guy who originally hitched his crocodile to a fire hydrant a cup of coffee and hear that story. Do dogs and crocodiles have anything in common when it comes to fire hydrants?
If you are traveling to Oxford Ohio with your wife make sure you do not put a picture of you or George Clonney where she can see it because it is illegal for a woman to strip off her clothes while standing in front of a man’s picture. Thinking about it, I would pay a lady’s bond with enthusiasm if she was arrested for this crime involving my picture. Is stripping off her clothes the same as taking them off? It has been my observation that there is a difference. Who put together the statistical data in Oxford to determine this was a problem?
Bathing seem to be a popular topic for lawmaking. In Indiana it is illegal to take a bath in the wintertime. Back in Vermouth you must take a bath every week – on Saturday night. Within the Boston city limits, it is illegal to take more than two baths a month. Virginia forbids bathtubs in houses, tubs must be kept in the yard. And Pennsylvania state law prohibits you from singing in the bathtub.
Another interesting law that is common throughout the United States is the prohibition against carrying an ice cream cone in your back pocket. How does the prevention of this activity help maintain the public well being? While I would not buy a fellow a Starbucks coffee to hear his reasoning for putting an ice cream cone in his back pocket, I think would spring for a small cup at McDonald’s.
I didn’t really want to spend any time checking on crazy laws in California. You just know they are going to have them. Here is some advice if you decide to move to there. Buy a hunting license before you set a mouse trap. It’s the law. You must have a state hunting license to trap mice. If Blythe, California is your destination, be sure you buy two cows before wearing cowboy boots in public. That’s right. You must own two (2) cows in order to legally wear cowboy boots in public.
You say that these laws once passed are not looked at again and forgotten. Wrong. Here is an example of a law being passed and then amended. Again back in Kentucky -- “No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she is escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club.” Evidently they had some issues with the law and has to make a few changes. As amended “The provisions of this statute shall not apply to any female weighing less than sixty pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds; nor shall it apply to female horses.” Did somebody really put a bathing suit on a horse and parade it down a highway?
Just wondering.
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