How to Pray for Another Person

In every church there's a prayer list people with special needs, who we are to pray for daily.  This is harder than it sounds.  If all we do is recite to God a list of names, prayer seems a monotonous and futile chore.  After all,  God knows these people better than we do! While I would never suggest we not pray for them,  I have to ask--how effective can such an mechanical approach to prayer be?  Praying for someone is more than reading off a list.  It has to be something deeper.
 Praying for people is more than praying for their problems.  Frankly, we can never be sure that we know the real problem, because it is often not what it appears to be. Real prayer implies special interest in individuals.  Don't just pray for the lost, pray for your lost neighbor next door. Don't just pray for the poor--pray for the beggar you met on the street. Prayer is an empathic process in which we become acquainted and involved with real people as we pray.The Lord's prayer in Matthew 6 gives us a pattern for prayer not only for overall needs, but also for individuals.  

 "Our Father in Heaven"

Don't rush into in prayer for others.  Take time to praise God first.  Prayer is not just wishing someone well, but bringing them to the throne of God.  Before we do this we need to get to the throne of God ourselves, through praise and worship.  Do not pray for an individual need until you have first settled your heart in thoughts on God.  Our impatience wants to be done with prayer, to rush in, leave our concerns, and get out.  But effective prayer lingers in the mind on the nature and thoughts of God.
 "Hallowed be Thy name"  

Spend time in graceful contemplation of the person we are remembering.  The name of God is His nature, His divine attributes. As we pray for an individual, we need to see them as an expression of God's divine nature.   

Sin affects us all, and we are thorough sinners, but we are also made in the image of God.  God's forgiveness in Christ makes it possible for us to overlook the sins of individuals and focus on their God-like qualities.
This is empathy, the ability we have to see the world though others' eyes.  Empathy is an essential part of a true ministry of intercessory prayer. 
Before we pray for needs,  seek to understand the world from that person's perspective. Respect the things about that person which are good,  holy and truthful.  Try to imagine what it is like to feel what they feel, see what they see, and do what they do.  Celebrate the things about them which celebrate God.  Youth reflects the power of God, Age reflects the wisdom of God.  Creativity celebrates the creativity and diversity of God.  Learn to appreciate the things which are like Him in all people. 
This can be done for our enemies as well as our friends. It is good to remember that even the worst person on earth still bears something of the name of God in them.  For that reason, they are deserving of our love and appreciation.
"Thy Kingdom Come"   

Though we all are possessed of a portion of divine qualities, we are all fallen short of it.  Imagine what the person who is the object of your prayer might be, if he or she were fully in line with what God had for them.  Then, turn those thoughts to God. 
"Thy will be done"

 In this fallen world, we are all both sinners and victims.  Some of what happens to us in this world was not God's perfect will for us, but the result of our interaction with fallen people and fallen creation.  Pray that God's perfect will be done in their lives, so they can have the potential to realize their best and most perfect lives.
"Give us Thy daily bread" 

  Here is where we get into the physical and emotional needs which this person has, whether it be for healing, food,  a job,  etc.  We are praying not just for providence, but for them to have enough, so they can fully realize the life that can be theirs, if they live in submission to Him, and His kingdom.
"Forgive us our debts"  

 Unforgiveness holds us back from God's promises in our lives,  both our own unforgiveness, and not being forgiven.  It is impossible to pray for a person with all our hearts if we do not forgive them from the heart.  Pray that God will free them from the bondage of past sins,  both their own and others.
"Lead us not into temptation"  

 A person cannot realize theif full potential in God's kingdom if he or she falls into temptation. Pray that the person will have the strength to resist the false trails along the way to a full and meaningful life in submission to God.

"Deliver us from the Evil (one)"   

This is a recognition that there is an enemy--Satan--who is trying his hardest to get us off the path.  All prayer is warfare, since it is our own direct defense against Satan. Pray for protection, and thank God for the authority against the evil one that was given to us through the blood of Christ. 

Prayer for one person is not as easy as a short prayer lifted up now and then. To truly and fully pray for God's blessing takes time effort, involving the mind, will, feelings, and imagination.  To pray for others is not something we should take on lightly. But as we practice, it gets easier. 

My prayer is that I might have someone--anyone--who would take on the burden of prayer on my behalf, and that God would use me to take on that burden for some others.  Then I can start to think of them the way God sees them, as His children who need His help to be fully what He called them to be. 

Pastoring the Pastors, Part 1

I once heard John Maxwell tell about his minister father who served as a pastor from the 1920's to the 1950's. After retirement  he made a list of names of his fellow graduates from  seminary in the '20's and what happened to them later.  Out of the twenty men who  started with him, only two retired as pastors.  The majority dropped out of ministry in  the first five years. 

Sad, when you think about it. The ministry is a career with a very high casualty rate being tough on pastors and families alike. There is a reason we call the ministry "spiritual warfare."

Recently, I did something similar to what Maxwell's father had done.  I made a list of twenty names of ministers I have known in my thirty-two years  of ministry, who had served for at least five years, and what has happened to them.   I admit it was not a scientific list.  I just put down the twenty ministers in my church that I had known the best.  But I think it is a fair cross-section.   Here's what has happened to those twenty

--Six of them are currently out of the ministry.  As far as I can remember, none of them left voluntarily. They left because of strife within  their church, their family, or both. 

--Seven of them transferred out of our denomination.  Not one of those six would ever think of returning.   Ever.  In most of those cases family strife, internal strife, or denomination strife caused the change.

--The other eight are still are serving  within the denomination or have already retired.

After looking at the list,  It seems that more people are burned in the ministry than are blessed by it. According to one survey,  seventy percent of pastors reported that the ministry had had a detrimental effect on their families.   The pressures of the ministry are devastating and  long term. 

--Here are some statistics that appeared in Alan Fading's blog

--Eighty percent of seminary graduates do not stay longer than five years.

--Fifteen percent of foreign missionaries return home after a single year due to burnout and depression. Thirty-two percent of planted churches die within four years.

--The ministry is one of the highest professions for clinical depression.

I admit this may be a subjective judgment, but I cannot help but think that our little denomination is particularly unfavorable for ministerial retention and satisfaction. I have met many former ARP pastors, but I have never met one who wanted to come back in.  The main reason they cite for this is a lack of support.  There is a general impression among those who have left that they were abandoned.  I  remember a comment that one former colleague said to me after I had left a church--"What friend got you?"

I take remarks for what they are worth.  It is natural for those who have been hurt to make comments which are really just sour grapes. Many of those I have met,  even while saying the church abandoned them, will name individuals in the church who helped them.  Yet the complaint seems so universal that we must take it seriously.  If only one  of these hurting pastors is right, then that is one too many. 

When a pastor becomes ordained, he is no longer a member of any church, but is now a member of presbytery. Presbytery is now responsible for his spiritual well-being as well as his spiritual discipline.  A pastor's spouse may join a church, as may his children,  yet everyone knows that if the pastor leaves, or is asked to leave, the family goes with him.  The spiritual care of the pastor's family therefore depends upon what presbytery decides to do with the pastor. If the presbytery removes a pastor from his church,  they are also de facto removing his wife and children from the church as well.  At that point, the entire family is left without the spiritual support of a Christian church.   Yet at this time, when the pastor and his family needs help, who stands with him?  There will be an expression of concern from the Minister and His Work committee,  a few calls of assurance from others that they will be there for them if they think of anything to ask, and if they are not too busy.   There will be an offer to have lunch sometime, and lots of people wiling to pray for them, since prayer is cheap and never takes much time, but that's about it. 

Pastoral care of pastors is a hit-or-miss proposition.  If they have close friends in powerful places, they may receive tremendous support. If they do not, they can be all but ignored. 

Let me ask a few more practical questions.  Why do we not have a structure in place to help pastors?  Why do we not have a structure for helping pastors transition into other careers?  Why do we not assign particular churches to look out for displaced pastors and their families?  Why do we not have regular debriefings of pastors who are forced to leave churches, to see how we may help them, and more importantly to see what we can learn from them?  Why do we not have support groups for pastors and their families?  Why do we not have a system of regular pastoral visits of pastors and their families?  Why do we not work with pastors in helping them establish and maintain their spiritual disciplines?  Why do we not have anyone on a presbytery or synod level who is responsible for the pastoral care of pastors?   Why do we continue to solve our pastoral problems by asking the pastor to leave, even when we know it is not the pastor's fault,  when we know that the problem is with the church, but it is easier to replace the pastor than fix the church?

The reason is obvious. Pastors are expendable.  There is always a line of naïve young men lining up to move into even the most difficult situation,  ready to be chewed up and spit out, like their brothers before them.

When I have brought these things up in the past, I have been accused of wanting to have bishops in the church, who would exert power above. That's our problem--we only see the relationship between pastor and presbytery as a power relationship.  Having a person responsible for being supportive and friendly seems beyond our grasp. 

In John 17,  Jesus prays in His high priestly prayer that the Father would make us one with one another as we are one with Him.  In John 13 he tells us that loving one another is the mark of being a disciple.  So--where is the oneness?  Oneness is not something we work to have. It is there already.  We are mutually accountable to each other, whether or not we even know each other.  If one of us is injured we all suffer.

Sometimes, our little denomination reminds me of a partially dead tree.  Here and there we see new, green life, and we rejoice for it. But we also see dead branches, cut off from the rest, rotting and termite riddled,  where the life never touches.  The whole tree suffers because of it.    

It comes down to this--we ministers need to see ourselves as members of each other's families.  When one brother stumbles, other brothers need to help him,  both officially and unofficially.  We do not have to know them well to recognize the organic connection that exists between other members of Christ's Body--in particular members of our own Presbytery. That is the unity we want in our churches. It ought to what we crave between pastors as well.