Things I learned from the Movies

Things I learned from the movies.


If you wait long enough, the bad guy will shoot his own henchmen.

Enemy soldiers are notoriously bad shots.

Nazis when talking with themselves, speak with English accents.

If Scotty says "you canna change the laws of physics," then he is about to change the laws of physics.

All prostitutes have hearts of gold.

All heads of major corporations are bad guys who regularly have people murdered.

Terrorists are never Arab. They are usually Germans, Russians, Irish, or Swiss.

Action heroes are made of an indestructible rubber, and keep bouncing back.

Jack Baur will have a bad day. (wait, that's television)

Vacations usually end in someone shooting at you.

In Disney films, pouring paint over a guy's head will teach him the error of his ways.

All police captains are large, intemperate black men.

Murders are always committed by the least suspicious person in a house.

Homeless people always have magical powers and/or important life lessons to share.

Low level bad guys are easily detectable by facial stubble.

When you're dead you stay dead, unless you are a serial killer, or a hero.

When a helicopter is chasing you, it is easily foiled by a mall pistol, a rock, or a flock of birds.

Gorillas are infatuated with blond human women.

Aliens will always speak English.

Giant monsters will always go first to the largest major city, where they are sure to be noticed.