Love and Judgment in a World of Strangers

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged, for in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

 "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. (Matt 7:1-5)

Christians often speak and act judgmentally. This should not surprise us, since it takes a lifetime of growth to achieve any semblance of the ideal we see in Christ, and even then we are not perfect. Just being a Christian does not make us like Jesus any more than putting on a pair of jogging shoes suddenly enables us to run a marathon. It takes consistent work and practice to really imitate Jesus in love and tolerance.

No matter if it does take more than a lifetime, we should be working on being more like Him.  More important than whether or not we have been judgmental is to ask whether Christ is judgmental.  We strive for the ideal, but what is the ideal?  Regardless of our failure to achieve the standards of our faith, is acceptance and tolerance of others part of the standard we are praying to achieve? Do we really act like Jesus when we criticize the world around us? 

The answer quickly gets complicated. One day, the Bible says, we will join Jesus in judging the world, (I Corinthians 6:2) but that day isn’t today.  The Bible also tells us to restore Christians who are caught in sin, in Galatians 6:1 “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted” but it is not clear whether means pointing out their sins or accepting their forgiveness.  It probably means both.  We have to judge in order to correct. To do otherwise is like trying to fix a car without knowing what is wrong with it.

Expressing or even having opinions always brings a hostile reaction from those who disagree.  Christians are called homophobes, hypocrites, Pharisees, self-righteous, and a hundred other ugly insults. People don’t like it when we do not approve of their lifestyle choices.  Yet we serve a righteous God who gave us commandments that define our way of living socially, sexually, morally, intellectually, and emotionally.  These commandments necessarily and definitively set us apart from others. To deny this is to deny our God.  

 This should not be a surprise to anyone.  Following Jesus morality has always set us at odds with the ad hoc morality of any given age.  In ancient Rome, Christians were initially persecuted just because they would not submit to a plurality of gods, but insisted on teaching that there was only one. John Hus and John Wycliffe were martyred for daring to suggest that the church was corrupt. In early America, working to free slaves was considered by many to be immoral.  .  In Henry VIII’s time, Sir Thomas More’s opposition to the king’s divorce cost him his head.  In Huckleberry Finn, Huck wonders whether his assisting a runaway slave will sent him to hell, since all the “Christians” he knew approved of slavery. Christians have always been in trouble for speaking what they hold to be the truth, so it should be no surprise to us that we are out of step with the times.

Being out of step with the times, though is not what this blog is about.  It is about living in a world where we are out of step.  How do we live in a pluralistic society, holding to unpopular opinions, and love the people around us?

Jesus warns us against judgmentalism.  Living under a moral code does not give us the right to criticize and condemn those who do not. Peter warns us in I Peter 4: 15 not to be meddlers in the affairs of others.   It is not us to us to impose our morality on the world at large, sticking our noses into other people’s business and bedrooms, condemning whole groups of people without knowing them. 

It’s not that we must approve of heresy, wrong thinking, homosexuality, premarital sex, or even drinking or smoking. We get in trouble when we define people narrowly with one word, using stereotypes instead of engagement.  We are never justified in labeling people by a moral or character flaw, instead of recognizing them as whole person.  If a person is drug addict, a homosexual, a Mormon or a Muslim—we may disapprove of that aspect of their nature, but it does not give us the right to ignore the rest of them.  We are not at war with anyone.  Christians talk about “taking back our country from the heathen” as if the “heathen” were horde to be vanquished instead of a hungry multitude to be fed from God’s Word.  Once we have criticized a person’s theology or sexual behavior we seem to think there’s nothing else we need say to them.

We do not need to approve of a person’s politics, religion, or sexual practices to love them.  We can love those with whom we disagree.  We do not have to focus on where we differ, but should seek common ground.  The first obligation we owe the stranger is not to criticize but to love.

We do not criticize with love, but in love.  Love is the first and fundamental face we should show to others.  We may correct our friends, but that criticism will be accepted only by those with whom we have firmly established our friendship. Only when we have first demonstrated love do we have the right to criticize.

Neither is it enough to simply believe we love a person before we criticize.  We must also like them. We have to feel a genuine affection for a person before we have the right to criticize them.

Much has been said about love being first a choice, not a feeling, and so it is.  This is the agape love that the Bible describes—a choice that is based on our decision to love, not on the other person’s behavior.  Psychologist Rollo May describes this kind of love as an act of will.  The will to love is based on our decision informed by or relationship with God. It has nothing to do with the intrinsic worth of the person who receives this love.  We do not love people because they are worthy, but in spite of their unworthiness. 

Agape love shows Jesus’ character to society at large.  In a world of strangers, where we know nothing of their lives, motivations, or intentions, agape must be our first response.

Strangers are strangers because we know little or nothing about them.  To practice love to strangers is first of all to treat them with civility. We should help them when they need it, but we should not meddle in their affairs, because to do so is to presume on a knowledge of them I do not have.  I do not have the right to tell them how they should live their lives, because I do not know their lives. They are the servants of another. God is their judge, not I.  To judge them is to invite their judgment on my own life.

But there is more to loving others than willpower.  Love is also a feeling, given by the Holy Spirit, which is not the same for everyone. We are drawn to specific people and groups of people, causing to feel affection for them.  In such an instance, love is more than a disinterested choice—it is a deep emotional connection. We don’t just love these people in a disinterested way—we actually like them.

We cannot always rationally explain why we feel this way about some and not others—we just do. The Spirit of God has placed them on our hearts.  God has placed a small piece of he affection He feels for all in our hearts, and told us to show it to others.  We feel empathy and compassion for them. We care what happens to them.

We may read about an earthquake in Nepal have a certain amount of sympathy for the victims the odds are that tomorrow we will have forgotten it. But a tragedy in our home town moves us to action because we know the people. If we felt that way about every tragedy around the globe, we could not bear it. Only God can bear the emotional burden of compassion for all.

Our emotional involvement in people’s lives sometimes leads us to criticize and confront.  If our children are on drugs, we cannot ignore it for love’s sake. If our husband or wife is cheating on us, we cannot and should not just ignore it. We have to confront for their sake.  Not to do so is to send a signal that we do not care.

There are moral boundaries between people, just as there are natural boundaries. People living outside the boundary of my home and family have a right to behave however they wish.  But those God has given me to love are my responsibility. I have an obligation to warn them when their behavior or ideas endangering their lives or souls. 

Some question this by citing the Old Testament prophets and even to Jesus.  They point out the prophets criticized the idolatry of their day loudly, even traveling to foreign countries to preach on the street.  Jesus drove he moneychangers from the temple, even though He was a stranger to them.  

 In reply I would first point out that we are not Jesus, nor are we among the prophets. They received divine instruction directly from God that enabled them to see not only what people did, but why they did it, and how to get them to change. We do not have such knowledge, and we should stop assuming that we do. 

Second, Jesus and prophets spoke with genuine affection for God’s chosen people.  Their criticism of the nations and of Israel’s leader was driven by a passionate love for Israel, just as we might confront societal injustice today to save a nation we love.

It’s hard enough living a life or moral integrity without taking on the responsibility of straightening out the rest of the world. We are not called to be the saviors of the world--the world already has a Savior.  Our calling is to live within a society of strangers in the way that best represents Christ.  Let’s confine our criticism to those who need it most, and to those we know the best, and not waste our time judging others.