My Bariatric experience--part 1 Facing Surgery

I've been off my blog for almost a year.  It's not because things have not been happening, or that I have had nothing to share, but because I have been too busy in life to stop and write about it.  I have been told that this is a selfish attitude, since much of what has been going on I should have shared.  But I also confess that sharing attitudes and opinions about big ideas and concepts is much easier for me than sharing personal stuff about myself. What has been going on in me has been very personal.  Ten months ago, I underwent bariatric surgery and to date I have lost more than one hundred and seventeen pounds.  But I have not posted anything about it on my blog, in spite of urging from a few of my friends to do so.  I wrote about it, but kept it private.  Sometimes, I think big things are better shared after the fact, when we have the coolness of past reflection.  Now that almost a year has passed, I am finally getting around to writing about my own personal struggle, and what God has been doing in me through it. 

I do not write these blogs to advertise for the kind of surgery I had, nor do I recommend it to others unless they and their doctors have already come to that decision It's a purely personal, difficult choice, and it is definitely not for everyone.  But for those who are compelled to it,  and for those who live with the obesity struggle,  I hope you might find some encouragement and enlightenment in these blogs. Most of them were written a few months ago,  during the recovery time.  I hope you enjoy them.

The next few blogs are going to be very personal. 

It all started in January of 2013, when I visited the doctor.   I was  59 years old  My doctor has been very concerned about my weight.  I had been diagnosed with hypertension, and sleep apnea, and now my blood sugar was creeping up into the diabetic range.  He said that if I did not get my weight under control, I would soon be a full-blown diabetic--in fact I could be considered a diabetic now, by some estimates.  

None of this was new.  All my life I had been in a wrestling match with my own fat.  Two years before, I recently failed at Weight Watchers for the sixth time.  After managing to lose forty pounds,  I gained it all back, with interest. Over forty years, I had lost approximately three hundred pounds, and gained  it all back.  
"maybe you should consider bariatric surgery" he said.

 I didn't want to hear it. His words were to me the ring of defeat.  He was saying I needed surgery to do something I ought to be able to do myself.

 I didn't know why I was fat.  Was it lack of willpower, upbringing, environment, heredity, or all of it together? I deeply resented the thin people who think they knew--who made snide comments like "Come on, man just push away from the table."  They never realized how many times and how diligently I had done all that, and still found it hard to lose.  I have to forgive them--people who think it's all about willpower and control are just ignorant.  If a fat person could change his or her status as fat person, they would.

People who haven't been there  don't know what it's like to grow up a fat kid, or how aware you are of your weight all the time.  Your size is reflected in the eyes of every kid who picks you last in a ball game, or laughs behind your back, or calls you names.  In a world where people are judged mainly by appearance,  no one has to tell you that you are fat.  You have to be twice as good to be taken half as seriously.

Over years of going up and down in weight, it's pretty easy to notice the pattern.  Weight down-- people notice and respect you. Weight up--people don't.  Only by being smart or funny or working harder than others  do you receive the same attention good-looking people receive just by showing up. 

Now, I was being  offered a chance to change all that, for the sake of my health and well-being.

I asked my doctor if he were in my place, would he do it.  "Bariatric surgery is  like bankruptcy," he said. "You don't want to have it, but if you need to, you take it."

I asked him, what were the odds at my age of winning the war against fat at my age without surgery?   One in a hundred, he replied.  This rings true to me Most people I know are gaining weight, not losing it.  My whole life had been adding fat, not subtracting.  What were my odds with surgery? About  three out of four. 

I've never had surgery before. I've never been seriously ill, so I was very anxious.  But when I thought of my friends  and relatives, especially the fat ones,  I realized how blessed I actually was.  Most people my age and my size have serious health problems--joint problems, diabetes, apnea.  I am not sure whether or not obesity leads to early death, but it certainly does lead to incapacitation in old age--mental problems, joint problems,  metabolic disorders, even cancers.  I see myself at the beginning of the most significant chapter of my life, not at the end of my usefulness. I could use seven or eight years of more and better health.

I did not want to do anything out of vanity.  It does not matter to me whether or not people see me as good looking or young. But it does matter to me whether or not I can effectively be what God had given me the freedom to be at my age. My weight is and has always been an impediment to that.

I wasn't yet convinced. The thought of having to resort to surgery sounded like a capitulation to moral weakness. 

Then I remembered the words of Jesus.  "If your right hand offends you cut it off." You can't always win by willpower.  Sometimes, you must cut your losses and go forward.  Freedom,  however achieved, is better than bondage, and health is better than sickness.  

It took me months to make the decision.  Then there were months of appointments and tests to satisfy insurance.  During that time, my father died,  and that set me back three months.  We also had to deal with various other emergencies. on September 25th, one week after my sixtieth birthday,  I finally had it. 

In the next blog,  I will share about the events leading up to surgery.  They are also I hope helpful  to better understand what obesity and bariatric surgery means for those who experience it.  My experience are  my own,  I do not suggest they are the "norm," but as with this blog, I hope my experiences will be helpful.